Bella in the Land of Oz
by Poohdog
Summary: Bella has fallen down the stairs and is having a very strange dream about the lovely land of Oz, which she travels with her lovely, and apparently stinky, dog- err, werewolf, Jacob, while meeting lots of new but vaguely familiar friends.
1. Munchkin City

Bella was falling. Falling again, wasn't she always falling? Her eyes had clamped tightly closed in fear but she tried to force them to open. She found herself in the middle of the Cullens house, right where she had been before. And Jacob, Jacob was right beside her- but he was in werewolf form, standing next to her protectively. Protecting her against what she wondered? Then she chanced to look out the window and clamped her eyes tightly shut again. They were falling, the house was falling. That was why she had felt like she was tumbling down. She began to scream as Jacob began to howl, right before, with a loud bump, the house crashed down onto solid ground. Breathing heavily, Bella looked around the floor, fear coursing through her veins. She had fallen onto her stomach, unhurt but completely shocked. Gently, Jacob began to nuzzle her to her feet, perhaps checking that she was alright. Shaking, Bella headed for the door and froze in the frame as she stood there looking out, the door flung open. "Jacob, I don't think we're in Forks anymore," she told him in a shaky voice looking out before her. There was a town in front of her so obviously not Forks as it was bright and sunny outside. The sun was glinting off the tiny houses that lined the street, the yellow street that curved around and around in a swirl along with a red road.

"What do you think Jacob?" she asked him. All he did was make a non-committal sort of growl. Slowly, Bella stepped out of the house and on to the street. "Where are we?" Suddenly, there was a flickering in the light and a figure of immense beauty landed in front of Bella. She wore a light pink dress, flowing down to the ground and a silvery tiara in her golden hair. In one hand she loosely clutched on to a wand bent into a star at the end that matched the tiara perfectly.

"Ew, your dog smells awful!" the beautiful woman shrieked.

"He's a werewolf," Bella told her, still in awe. Jacob growled. "Who are you?"

"I am Rosalie, the Good Witch of the North," she said, her voice float-y.

"But I thought witches were supposed to be ugly."

"Well obviously I'm not," Rosalie said, rolling her eyes. "Now, she was ugly," she added, pointing to a pair of feet sticking out from under the Cullens' house. Bella screamed. Jacob began to whine as Rosalie yelped out, "Stop that! Don't you know witches have sensitive ears? As apparently do dogs that smell like they've rolled in garbage." Jacob growled at her again as Bella calmed down a little.

"But there's a- there's a b-body un-under the house!"

"Yes, yes, it was Lauren the Wicked Witch of the East. Dreadful witch. Dared to think once that she was prettier than me, which, let's face it, is just plan impossible," Rosalie said, shaking her head and frowning at the very thought. Bella had to admit that she was gorgeous even while she was frowning. "Great taste in shoes though. I mean, look at those shoes," she said, pointing at the pair on the witch's feet.

"Um, okay," Bella agreed. In truth the shoes did not look all that great to her. They were a bright red with glitter all over them. Not to mention they had slight heels to them. Kitten heels, but heels nonetheless.

"Well, they're not really my color. They'd look great on me, everything does, but there are other colors that look so much better. Anyway, down to business. Are you a good witch or a bad witch?"

"Um, I'm not a witch."

"I should have guessed," Rosalie sighed. "You're definitely not ugly-"

"Thank-"

"But you're far from gorgeous too," she concluded. Jacob growled but Rosalie ignored him. "Alright all of you. It's okay. You can come out. She's not going to hurt you!" Bella gasped in shock as she saw small children flooding from around houses and behind plants in the sunny little village. There was something familiar about all of them but she couldn't tell quite- Oh, no. They were beginning to sing.

"_Ding, Dong the witch is dead._

_Which old witch?_

_Lauren the witch!_

_Ding, Dong, Lauren the witch is dead!_

_Wake up, sleepy head._

_Rub your eyes._

_Get out of bed._

_Wake up! Lauren the witch is dead."_

Bella looked at Jacob in utter horror. He looked very close to howling. The children could sing as well as any group of children and that was not well. And then, someone stepped forward, his hand out to shake hers. He was no child. He was most definitely Mike Newton.

"_As Founder of this great city_

_In the country of the land of Aahz"_

"Oz?" Bella whispered to Rosalie as Mike kept speaking rhythmically, though he had finally stopped shaking her hand.

"No relation."

"_I welcome you most regally."_

Then to Bella's somewhat shock, Jessica stepped forward. She was holding a baby in her arms and was, at the same time, most definitely quite pregnant. She turned and looked at Mike before saying,

"_But we've got to verify it legally._

_To see-"_

"_To see?"_

Mike put in. Jessica smiled and went on.

"_If she-"_

"_If she?"_

"_Is morally, ethically."_

A little girl with pigtails popped up to speak in the continued rhythm.

"_Spiritu'lly, physically."_

There was a boy who followed her looking about the same age. Then again, all the children looked close in age.

"_Positively, absolutely."_

"_Undeniably and reliably dead!"_

All the little children, Mike, and Jessica chirped.

"Yes, she's dead," Rosalie sighed. "Honestly, regular humans who aren't witches can be so stupid sometimes."

"Mike, Jessica, what are you doing here?" Bella asked in amazement.

"I don't know. We just sort of ended up here," Mike told her.

"And we were bored," Jessica added.

"So we decided to populate a town," Mike finished.

Bella's eyes grew wide. "So you're saying these are all your children?"

"Yep!" they both said simultaneously. Bella couldn't move. Jacob began making retching noises.

"Here, I'll introduce you!" Mike said. "This is Mike Jr. and Jessica Jr. and Mike the third and Mike the fourth and Jessica the third is over there and Mike the fifth is over there but Jessica the fourth and fifth are right here and this is Jessica the-" Suddenly Jessica and Bella screamed as a bright ball of flames suddenly appeared in front of Rosalie. A moment later another beautiful woman stepped out, this one petite, with short, spiky black hair. Mike kept right on going as if nothing had happened while his children all shuffled to hide behind him and Jessica.

"I can not believe you just did that. You just about got soot all over my face. I mean what a shame would that be! I'd still be beautiful but people wouldn't be able to see my beauty as much. Can't you find a more clean way to enter?" Rosalie complained at the new witch.

"I'm just here for the shoes!" the other witch told her. "Lauren ripped me off. I was shopping and I saw those shoes and she hadn't even noticed them until I started going for them and she just grabbed them! Can you believe it? I'm taking them now."

"-and Mike the tenth and Jessica the ninth and Jessica the tenth and that's Jessica the eleventh-"

"No, you aren't!" Rosalie argued, pointing her wand at the shoes. Bella suddenly felt herself wobbling uncomfortably and she fell over, landing on her butt.

"Ow!" she mumbled, trying to get to her feet.

"You almost got me dirty so you can't have the shoes. Bella can have the shoes," Rosalie told her, "because I don't want them."

"How do you know my name?" Bella asked her.

"Because I'm magic," Rosalie sighed as though Bella was stupid.

"Give me the shoes!" the other witch said desperately.

"Gladly!" Bella exclaimed as she wobbled and fell over again. There was a reason she did not like heels. She began trying to pull them off to no avail.

"Here, I'll take them off," the other witch offered, raising her wand. "I'm Alice by the way, Alice the Wicked Witch of the West."

"You can't do magic here!" Rosalie told her. "You're underage. You can't do magic anywhere other than the castle, or the Ministry of Magic will imprison you with the Dementors!"

"Like I care! I can pull off a wandless Patronus like nobody ever has!"

"There's no shopping in Azkaban," Rosalie reminded her. Alice made a noise like she was choking to death.

"Okay, okay, no magic!" she said in a panic. "Just send us both to the castle."

"-and Jessica the eighteenth and there's Mike the seventeenth and Mike the eighteenth and Mike the-"

"No, I'm not giving you the shoes that easily!"

"Fine then. Send me to the castle. Bella, why don't you meet me there? Just give your dog a bath on the way. He reeks!" Jacob growled lightly though not as much as he had at Rosalie.

"Bye now!" Rosalie told her, pointing her wand at Alice and poofing her away. "Alright, so you can't give her the shoes."

"But I really don't mind. I can't walk in these-"

"You're just going to have to go home."

"Yes, I would like to go home, away from Oz."

"It's Aahz."

"That's what I said." Rosalie rolled her eyes.

"So, just follow the yellow brick road and you should meet the wizard and he'll tell you how to get home."

"But I don't want to meet the wizard. I'll just give the shoes to Alice and then she can send me home."

"No! You can not give Alice the shoes! She almost got me dirty! Now just go. Take the yellow brick road to meet the wonderful wizard of Aahz who will help you home. And do give your dog a bath!" Jacob growled loudly as Rosalie shoved them on their way.

"-and Mike the twenty-second and Jessica the twenty-second and Jessica the twenty-third and Missica the first because we weren't entirely sure when he was born but we know he's a he now and Mike the twenty-third and-"

"But I can't walk in these shoes! Hey, hey don't make me go-" Bella protested stumbling all the way out of the village of Mike and Jessica and their children of Mikes, Jessicas, a Missica, and a Jeske, who was actually a girl. "I can't walk in heels!" she howled nearly as well as Jacob ever had.

**Alright, disclaimer. Let's see. Obviously I don't own Twilight. I don't own the Wizard of Oz. I don't own Harry Potter and I don't own the Myth series by Robert Asprin. I believe that's all that's in there. If I missed something I referenced, just assume I don't own it.**

**I honestly don't know when I'm going to update. I just kind of needed to write something fluffy because I wrote something depressing earlier today and needed to cheer myself up. Anyway, reviews are always appreciated. Have a lovely day!**


	2. Edward

**Disclaimer at end because it's too long.**

"I hate heels," Bella grumbled again. Jacob, ever loyal and faithful Jacob, ignored her. Her chant about her shoes had gone on since the moment they had left the munchkin village and even the best of wolves have to tune out others' whimpering when it had gone on that long. Bella stumbled again and Jacob lightly nuzzled her back to her feet. She sighed. "Stupid shoes."

"They look quite nice to me," someone said. Bella whipped around and fell to the ground. Jacob growled as he leaned low and began to help Bella up again.

"Who said that?" Bella asked quickly, her eyes scanning everywhere. She didn't see anyone but rows and rows of a tall plant. Corn, she thought it was. There weren't very many fields of corn in Phoenix or Forks but she was fairly sure that was what corn looked like in pictures she had seen of Iowa.

"Your dog smells though," the voice added as Bella got back to her feet. Again, Bella craned her body around, trying to see someone and again she tumbled to the ground. Jacob, standing at the alert with his hair bristling along his neck, let her use him to pull herself up but didn't move to directly help her. He was trying to see the hidden intruder.

"Where are you?" Bella asked.

"Are you all right?" the voice questioned with concern.

"Where are you?" she repeated.

"I'm right here," it spoke. "Or maybe I'm not. He doesn't think I'm here so maybe I'm not here. And you- I don't know where you think I am," he remarked. Jacob turned and began growling at the scarecrow in the middle of the crop Bella suspected was corn. "Oh, now he thinks I'm here. But I still don't see where you think I am." Bella stared at the scarecrow, now wondering how she could have missed that he was the one talking. He was the most gorgeous scarecrow she had ever seen, not that she had seen many scarecrows. There was hardly any sign that he was a scarecrow other than the straw sticking out of this sleeves and pant legs and peaking around his shirt. Other than that, he could have been human. No, Bella decided. Not human. He was too beautiful to be human. She smiled widely and Jacob growled again.

"Could you help me down from here?" he asked. "I've got this pole up my back and it's making me rather uncomfortable." He gave her a smile and she nearly melted into her shoes.

"Oh, of course," Bella replied, breaking out of her temporary trance and scuttling towards him. She tried to climb the short two foot high wooden fence and fell over, her face turning a bright red and Jacob jumped the fence in a bound and helped her to her feet, his eyes never leaving the scarecrow.

"Your dog doesn't like me," the scarecrow remarked.

"He's not my dog. He's Jacob."

"He would like to be your dog." Jacob growled as Bella went over to the pole and began to unfasten the scarecrow.

"How did you- why are you up here?" Bella questioned as she finished pulling he free and he dropped gracefully to the ground. She growled herself a little. Now, officially, a scarecrow was more graceful than she was.

"I can't remember although maybe your dog put me up here."

"Jacob wouldn't do that. Or, well," she corrected glancing back at Jacob with his hair still on end, "he's been with me the entire time we've been here."

"Then maybe he just wants to," the scarecrow consented.

"Do you have a name?" Bella asked.

"Your dog can think of quite a few for me but I'm not sure those are really my name. You haven't thought of any name for me. Perhaps my name is Edward. That seems vaguely familiar."

"Edward," Bella repeated. "Alright, I'll call you Edward."

"And your name's Bella."

"How do you know that?"

"Your dog-"

"Jacob," Bella corrected with a tinge of annoyance.

"Right, my apologies, Jacob, thinks of you with the name Bella."

"You can read his brain?"

"I wouldn't know. I haven't got one myself."

"Well of course you have a brain," Bella told him in confusion.

"I don't. I'm a scarecrow. Scarecrow's don't have brains."

"But if you can think that, then you have to have a brain."

"But I'm not thinking that. He is," Edward told her. Jacob growled at him yet again, his yellow eyes pinned on Edward, never moving, barely blinking.

"But what would you do with a brain if you had one? Couldn't you just keep using someone else's?"

"What would I do with a brain? Well I would-

I would wile away the hours, translating notes from foreign powers."

Bella stared at him as he began singing. He had the most beautiful singing voice she'd ever heard. Along with his appearance, she got the impression she was staring at an angel.

"Consulting with the rain."

"You could come home with me. I live in Forks. There's nothing but rain."

"You're dog doesn't want me to come back with you," he said, momentarily breaking his song.

"Jacob. His name's Jacob."

"Again, my apologies."

"And my head I'd be scratching though it's Jacob's fleas that would be hatching

If I only had a brain."

Jacob growled again and then his back leg twitched as though he really wanted to scratch. It must have been the power of suggestion, Bella thought. Although she would have to double check before she let Jacob help her up again. "Be nice, Jacob. There's not much that rhymes with scratching," she assured him. Jacob seemed unconvinced.

"Oh I, could be so wise that school would be a bore

I could still be valedictorian for sure

Without ever, coming in the door.

I would not be just a nothing, with my head all full of stuffing

My heart all full of pain.

I could show you my devotion, that is my hopeful notion

If I only had a brain."

"You're a wonderful singer," Bella told him with a smile as he finished his song.

"Do you really think so?"

"Yes, I do," Bella said as he smiled nearly sending her into a puddle on the ground. Jacob suddenly hurried over and planted himself at Bella's side. "Right, well, I guess we have to go see a wizard."

"A wizard?"

"So we can go-"

"Home," Edward finished, his eyes glancing off of Jacob for a moment. "Do you think your wizard could give me a brain as well?"

"I don't know but it couldn't hurt for you to come along, could it?" Bella asked.

"I would very much like to accompany you if I you'd allow it," Edward agreed. Jacob pressed himself closer to Bella's side.

"Of course," Bella replied in a breathy sort of voice.

"Thank you." He smiled again. She felt her knees melting.

"So then, we're off to see the wizard?" Bella asked.

"The wonderful wizard of Aahz," Edward nodded.

"Right, the wonderful wizard of Oz."

"No, I believe it's Aahz."

"That's what I said!" Bella argued as they began walking along again, two pairs of eyes pinned on Edward, one in adoration and the other in abhorrence. And when Bella stumbled, both Jacob and Edward hurried to catch her from her fall.

**Alright, disclaimer. Let's see. Obviously I don't own Twilight. I don't own the Wizard of Oz. I don't own the Myth series by Robert Asprin. I believe that's all that's in this chapter. If I missed something I referenced, just assume I don't own it.**

**Sorry this chapter isn't as good as the last one. It wasn't written late at night. I seemed to use the word growled too much. Not sure when I'll update or if I will but I admit, I love reviews!**


End file.
